hawkwardmoment | [ooc] first impression/question meme

And now instead, you got them in less a month. :'D

RELATIONSHIP ME.

FLOATY SHE LIKES YOU A LOT. Admittedly she originally wants to befriend him because he sort of reminds her of Sebastian and his virtuousness, so she wanted to introduce him to Fenris so he can make more friends ~~because she likes to meddle~~, but then she gets to know him more and finds out that Boyue has these issues and she feels compelled to help even though he doesn't necessarily want them ~~because she's a meddler~~. At first it was just because she just thinks that he needs to loosen up because he's young and he can actually be fun when he wants to be! But then she finds out about the invasion thing, and she doesn't really understand the political stuff, so she while she thinks its admirable that he's so dedicated to fulfilling a promise, she also thinks that it's dumb that he's pretty much throwing his life away for his mentor's ideals.

tl;dr Hawke considers Floaty a friend, and when she considers someone a friend, she meddles. So she's going to try to convince him to moderate his Kongming obsession to a healthier, none self-destructive level. Or at the very least try to get him to enjoy his life a bit more beyond PRIME MINISTER!!1 and northern "trips".

Edited 2011-05-31 20:44 (UTC)

d'aaaaaw Hawke. ;; ♥

Oh oh me pick me I want to me relationshiped too.

Hawke thinks Maka is a very smart and sensible girl for her age, and it was fun to try to track down the virus with her that one time. Maka's interesting to talk to and also said that she judged magic based on how it was used, so that's like an instant +30 friendship points from Hawke. LET'S THREAD AGAIN MORE AND GET INTO ANTICS \o/

First impression of Tony?

And would you kill me if I asked for relationship for Hawke and Fenris? 8D

TONY LAUGHS AT HER JOKES that's already a plus, not to mention he's another mage, and not a crazy one. It was interesting talking to him about his world, even if she's a bit shocked by what he tells her about the prejudice there, so I'm definitely hoping to jump him again \o/

SOBBING THIS SECOND PART TOOK ME FOREVER BECAUSE I’M LAME (and I'm totally going to be even more lame and ask you to tl;dr on this relationship back to me

)

lol rivalmance. Hawke has a penchant for attracting trouble, so she has this thing about testing her luck, leaping into challenges and going by what her intuition tells her. That’s why she’s attracted to Fenris; he’s prejudiced against mages, he shows her a side of magic that she’s not familiar with, he challenges her views and keeps her grounded that not all mages are infallible. Yet there are times where they can actually talk and he’d laugh at her dumb jokes and despite how he had Anso lie to use her as bait for the slavers the first time they met, he’s been honest to her ever since, so she can respect his opinions, and tries to understand him, even though she might not always agree. In turn, she also wants to work to try to get him to at least understand her side, even if he won’t change his opinion.

When they slept together and he runs off, she can sort of understand why, but it still hurt, so she tried to rebound on Anders, but failed at that, because there are lingering feelings, and he kept giving mixed messages by wearing her favor. Fenris also never truly left and still stayed in Kirkwall to help Hawke despite whatever awkwardness between them. Then when All the Remains happened, he comes to comfort her in that awkward way of his, so she realizes that he does care, and she decided that she will wait for him to get his shit together ~~and thus began the start of the UST, so obvious even Merrill noticed~~. Which, he eventually did, and the fact that he was willing to go against his beliefs to side with her in that final conflict, and become a fugitive again with her, touched her more than anything.

Like she’s told him in that one thread, she has no idea what she’s doing or where they’re going to end up, but she likes being with him and she’s glad that he stuck by her side. She loves him and she thinks that he loves her too but she’s hesitant about voicing that out because she doesn’t want to spook him away again, since the first time she said she cared about him, he still ran off. Technically Hawke’s forgiven him a long time ago for dumping her after the first time they did the dirty tango, but… well, she likes flirting, and making him jealous not only fits in to her wanting to tease him for a while longer, it also leads to possible fun make up antics. :p

tl;dr Hawke loves the tsundere elf. She’s willing to accept him as he is, and even if he doesn’t trust any other mages, she wants him to at least trust her and accept her as she is.

I SEE YOUR TL;DR AND RAISE BY REALLY TL;DR.

How Fenris feels about Hawke really isn't as complicated as it seems sometimes. It went through some complicated stages: at first, the only things keeping him from running the hell away were his feeling that he owed Hawke for her assistance and the possibility that she might be able to help him take out Danarius, when Danarius came back for him.

He never expected Danarius to take six years to come back, or he might have run anyways. As it is, he stayed, fought beside Hawke, and learned more about her. Her initial flirting frightened him as much as it intrigued him. Hawke was a mage, and one he didn't have a sense of yet; for all he knew, she was already planning how to get her own collar around his pretty elven neck. She was also a very beautiful woman, however, and had helped him, and he couldn't help the fact that he was attracted to her, so he flirted back, cautiously. And kind of badly, but on the other hand, it's not like he had any practice, so he didn't really do too badly, considering . . . XD

And then as he was waiting for Danarius to come back, Hawke kept dragging him along on quest after quest, and he watched her, the entire time. Her idealism made him angry, but he respected her for having firm beliefs even if he didn't agree with them. He began to understand that he could trust her, at least to an extent. When she was in the Deep Roads, he was bored. He was lonely. He hadn't even realized he could be lonely; in the previous three years, he'd never particularly missed anyone. He was a little stung that she chose Anders to take instead of him, but had to admit that a Grey Warden - even if he was an abomination - was a more logical choice than him, when you're expecting to meet Darkspawn. But it still stung, and he missed her, and both of those things surprised him. He realized that he wanted her to rely on him, and that he liked being around her even though she was a mage. It was a scary realization.

When she returned, and attained wealth and the reclaiming of her noble heritage, it made Fenris nervous. Mages with wealth and power are magisters. He worried that it would change her, that gaining material power would corrupt her as simply having magic hadn't managed. But over the next three years . . . nothing changed. Hawke remained the same. And she continued to express interest in him, and he- he only grew more and more attracted to her, more in love. Because he was. He didn't really recognize it as such, he'd never experienced it before! But he was definitely in love.

And Hawke didn't do anything to break his growing respect and trust. Angry as he was after the Fade, she refused to deal with the Sloth demon, which . . . he was not expecting. Mages make deals with demons, given the opportunity . . . right? But she didn't. And then he went and fell for Wryme's promise of power to equal the magisters and afterwards, he was almost choking to death on his shame. Which is why he took it out on her! He couldn't handle it, and so he focused on his anger at her softness towards her fellow mages. Sry Hawke.

Then Hadriana happened, and Hawke's immediate willingness to help him really touched him. Helping Orana, giving her a job - he jumped to the slave conclusion and felt like a total dick when Hawke corrected him, because this was Hawke and she was helping him and - if such a thing could even truly exist - a good mage, and he insulted her by assuming the worst. Then killing Hadriana, etc, etc, snaps at her again and takes off.

But he can't get her out of his mind, and he feels guilty over his actions when she was just trying to help him, so he goes to apologize, and of course it ends up in an argument which just made things worse since that wasn't what he wanted at all and- and - oh, wow, how did we end up in this bed together?

SO, sex happened, and it was fantastic, and one of these days I'm going to have to decide if she was his first total, or just since he started running. At any rate, amazing sex happened and in its wake, Fenris regained all his memories. Congrats, Hawke, you got so enthusiastic his life flashed before his eyes . . . XD So, all his memories. This was amazing! This was wonderful! He was so happy! And then he lost them again immediately, left with only the knowledge that for a moment he did remember, for a moment he knew everything . . . and now it's all gone again. And that freaked him out. That on top of finally realizing, due to his proximity to Hawke and his comfort with her there, that he loved her - it was all too much at once, he couldn't deal, and so he did what he always does when he can't deal: he ran the fuck away.

And he wanted her to hate him. He wanted her to leave him, because he couldn't ever really leave her. That, too, was scary; love is a form of bondage, and he never wanted to be bound again. And now he was. If she hated him, perhaps he could be freed from it . . . but he could never do it on his own. That's why he wore her favour and her crest. That's why he ran from her bed but stayed by her side.

He watched her flirtation with Anders and it hurt, but he had left her: what could he say? This was what he wanted . . . right? Right? He's still not sure what happened to cause the flirtation to stop, but it did, and he felt selfishly glad. Both because he loved her, and because he worried that Anders would wrap her up even further into his insanity.

Leandra's death was signifigant to Fenris. Mama Hawke had never treated him badly, even though he slept with her daughter, and then dumped her. She never looked down on him, and she even seemed to approve of him. He'd liked Leandra. And he knew the loss had to have hurt Hawke very badly. He couldn't do nothing, even though he had no idea what to do, so he visited her. And it was awkward, but he tried, he really did, because he loved her and he didn't want her to be alone. He knew what it was to be alone and all that! He half-expected her to just send him away,

When Hawke fought the Arishok, he was confident she could win - he would have suggested it had the Arishok not done so, and he would never have suggested something he truly thought would have brought her death. And then she won and became the Champion, and if he hadn't already known her, he would have run far, far away, because now she had magic, wealth, and political power. Terrifying. Make no mistake, he was frightened of her, of what she is, of what she could do. Frightened. As. Hell. But still, she's Hawke, and . . . he couldn't leave. Not Hawke.

So he stayed. And three more years passed, years in which he regretted ending what they had, in which he spent day after day thinking of what had happened, why he did what he did, what he would do if he just had another chance, if he could only go back and do it again. Years where Hawke never moved on to another, even though she had every right to.

And then his sister came to Kirkwall and all of Fenris' trap senses went off at once, and he turned to Hawke for help yet again. And it's a good thing he did, because had he been alone to face Danarius, Maker knows what would have happened! As it was, they triumphed, and when he would have killed his sister for her betrayal, Hawke stopped him. Commanded him to stop.

And he stopped.

This is why he was so angry when she came to see him, later. Not just because she gave him a command about something so personal, something that was his decision, but because he obeyed. This is why he was pacing and fuming. Was he truly free? Had he simply found a different master to follow, one who gave him the illusion of choice, an illusion of freedom? That is what he was thinking about as he paced. That, and how warm his heart felt when she reminded him that he wasn't alone, because she was there. How much that honestly helped the pain. How happy he was she would say that.

And then Hawke walked in and everything in his head went out the window as soon as they started to talk. Angry and upset as he was, he couldn't stay angry. Not at Hawke. Not when she had just helped him kill Danarius, for nothing more than . . . a nearly complete lack of gratitude. Really, compared to everything she had done for him, that anger seemed entirely misplaced, completely unnecessary.

And as they spoke, he finally worked up the nerve to talk to her about their brief time together. He made his decision then: even if this love was bondage, even if he simply traded a master who bound him by blood and chains for one who bound him with love and kind deeds, he wanted this. He wanted Hawke, he wanted to be hers. And if it was possible that she loved him back, then perhaps as a mututal form of bondage, it wouldn't be so bad at all. When she forgave him, that was the most dizzyingly happy moment of his life to date. He's not good at happy! He can do content decently enough, but happy is a challenge. She made him very, very happy.

And then they made each other very, very happy. ;) Fenris has a very nice bed in that room . . .

Moving on, Anders' confrontation of Hawke over Fenris didn't even threaten Fenris, after that. Simply another reason to dislike Anders, as if he didn't already have sufficient. Hawke standing by him was not unexpected; he trusted her, and his trust was rewarded.

And then the shit hit the fan. Fenris argued for the Templars because he knows the danger of mages, very personally, but he never expected Hawke to listen - and when she chose the mages, he followed her both because he loved her and because he knew he could trust her to work for the best even if he personally would have taken a different route.

So yes, Hawke has his trust. Her magic does not always - he can't help that, though he's trying to work on it. Hawke helped him to see that holding onto this hate and anger is eating him up, doing things to him he doesn't want. He wants to let it go, now. It's just not easy, not at all.

To conclude this rambling, spoiler-laden essay, Fenris means that "I am yours." He could never say that lightly, not with his past. He really does mean that she owns him, body, heart, and soul. And he is okay with this. He knows she won't use it to hurt him. He's done with being skittish and running. This is where he wants to be. At this point, it's as simple as that.

Now you know the true meaning of 'tl;dr'.

Edited 2011-06-05 18:34 (UTC)

OKAY so I forgot to mention the jealousy/possessiveness thing. Fenris is possessive of Hawke.

This really should not surprise you, but the important thing here is, it's nothing to do with not trusting her. He does trust her, as I said above! It is, however, everything to do with his belief that love equals bondage. He loves her and so she owns him, but he- well, he hopes that she loves him, and that means he owns her, too, right? Mutual ownership!

And so when she flirts with other people, and moreso when they flirt with her, he wants to make sure they know Hawke is his. He's never had this before - this closeness with someone, this mutual belonging, and he refuses to let anyone challenge it except Hawke herself. He was willing to let her go to someone else without a fight once, when he was still frightened of how he felt: not anymore.

He also realizes Hawke deliberately flirts to rile him up, which is one reason other people flirting with her bothers him more than her flirting with others. He's not worried she's going to pick someone else, but someone else might try to take her, and that's not okay.

So, basically, Fenris is fucked up. It's not healthy to view love in terms of ownership, but that's Fenris for you. He isn't healthy, at all, and that's just one more aspect of it. But he's also wise enough to know that him loving Hawke doesn't give him ownership; it's her loving him that does. It's a gift the one who loves give to the one they love, not a right. If she told him she didn't love him, it'd crush him, but he wouldn't pull any "BUT I OWN YOU" freaky ex shit. He'd argue with her, but if she was resolved in it, he'd give up and just go quietly try to kill his heart in a corner somewhere, not stalk her for the rest of her life, steal her underpants, make shrines, etc, like someone we know probably does. XD

The end!

Edited 2011-06-06 03:35 (UTC)

Congrats!

First impressions for Cindy?

\o/!

Cindy was helpful when they first met and Hawke finds her fun to talk to! Granted she feels a bit bad that she awkwardly brought up Cindy's husband and divorce in that recent thread, but I'm definitely looking forward to jumping you again if I can :'D

What's your process for doing the color on Hawke's icons? Because they're gorgeous.

Thank you! Funnily, I was trying to imitate the colorings on your Garrus icons because I really liked how you made the colors stand out but umm, I used a lot of selective coloring and color balance layers, a color balance layer and depending on the base, I'd sharpen it and fiddle around with a duplicated screen or color dodge layer, and play with the hue/saturation to make the colors stand out or mess around with curves so the base's natural lighting might be better.

That's actually not too different from what I did with Garrus', although I haven't toyed around with screened or color dodge layers. Whatever you're doing in particular looks really great, I like the way the blues and pinks stand out.

And now, obligatory first impressions on Garrus request o/

Hawke thinks Garrus is cool and has a nice sense of humor! She's intrigued by his appearance and is curious to learn more about his world but I keep failing at jumping you forever haha /)_(\

and to ask you a question in return uhh... what are your expectations for ME3? Is there anything you're particularly looking forward to seeing in it?

LOVE ME SISTER

NO GO BACK TO THE DEEP ROADS!!

okay, no. Family is the most important thing to Hawke, she tries her best to take care of them, so even if the alternate reality thing confuses her, she's very happy to see Bethany again and wants to catch up with her on how much things have changed in the past 7 years for her.

AS FOR QUESTIONS- tl;dr to me about how Yuanji is adjusting to camp, what she thinks of Sima Zhao being here and what she expects of him?

First impression on this guy here?

Hawke thinks Gabranth is a quiet guy with an interesting view on things, and she found it amusing when she encountered him when he was changed by the virus. I'm definitely hoping to have her jump him again whenever I can.

Also this is off topic but I need to express love for your Tesla because that's how I finally got off my ass to watch Sanctuary again. Sooooo to ask a question... what pinged you to choose to app him out of all the Sanctuary characters and why? :O

Generally speaking I tend to end up more interested in characters that are either antagonists or jerks. Especially when I don't personally have to hate them because the rest of the cast already does. So basically he pretty much hit my pings what hard the first time he showed up! Also he's just kind of fun to watch in how he interacts with the rest of the Five.

So yeah, it was pretty much a kneejerk 'ooh shiny' reaction, and as a bonus his voice turns out to be pretty easy to write. /o/

We should thread when Machika isn't a puppy. But how does Hawke like the puppy?

Yes, we totally should 8DD!! BUT HAWKE DOES LIKE PUPPY MACHIKA, since she has a soft spot for dogs and Machika was a cute puppy. She also has a positive view on magic, so that's another plus.

[ooc] first impression/question meme

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